Ever since I was a child, I have been a keen observer of people. I was fascinated by the wonders and complexities of the human spirit and psyche - and particularly by how differently people seemed to experience themselves. Some appeared to move through life with an underlying sense of worth and possibility; others, myself included, struggled to believe in themselves even when there was abundant evidence of their capability.
Decades later, in my work as a leadership and executive coach, I remain fascinated by how profoundly a leader’s underlying sense of worth shapes the way they lead, relate and influence.
Again and again, I meet capable, accomplished leaders who continue to organise some part of themselves around earning the right to matter. They may seek reassurance through approval, usefulness, achievement, status, expertise or control. These can all offer genuine satisfaction and affirmation. But when they are also asked to carry the burden of confirming that we matter, the reassurance they provide is typically fleeting and variable.
I think of this as the proving paradox: when our worth depends on evidence, no amount of evidence can settle the question for long.
It is not confined to any gender, age or level of seniority. I have seen it in emerging leaders and experienced executives alike. Nor is the proving paradox always accompanied by visible self-doubt. A leader may have a strong sense of identity and value, but if their sense of who they are and what they contribute becomes tightly bound to a particular role or way of leading, changing circumstances can make adaptation feel like a threat to the self.
The effects ripple outwards. I have witnessed leaders whose need for approval makes alternative views or difficult feedback feel threatening; leaders who protect themselves through their intellect and inadvertently create barriers to connection and collaboration - leaving collective potential largely untapped; and others whose heroic work ethic and commitment to achievement establish a standard that only machines - not humans - could sustain. This can create cultures that are intolerant of limits, recovery and the intelligent failures that are part of innovation. It comes at a cost to leaders themselves, the people around them and, ultimately, the organisations they serve.
None of this is inherently dysfunctional. These ways of securing approval, safety and control are deeply human and often highly adaptive. We are social and relational beings: our acceptance and survival have always depended, to some degree, on how we are received by others. The intention is not to make these drives wrong, but to become more aware of them, meet them with compassion and mature our relationship with them. As we do, we can develop a more internal ground of security, authority and agency - and become less dependent on continually sourcing reassurance from outside ourselves.
Without that awareness and self-compassion, conditional worth divides a leader’s attention. Part of their attention is available to see the situation clearly, hear what others are communicating and respond to what the work, relationships and wider purpose require. Another part is monitoring what unfolding events appear to say about their adequacy, acceptance, status or control.
One framework that has helped me recognise these dynamics in leadership is the Leadership Circle Profile. It distinguishes between Reactive tendencies - ways of leading organised substantially around securing worth, safety or belonging - and Creative capabilities, which are more internally authored and purpose-led. These are not categories of “bad” and “good” leadership, nor are they mutually exclusive. Reactive tendencies contain considerable gifts: care for others, drive, commitment, high standards, intellectual rigour, discernment and self-reliance. They can enable leaders to achieve a great deal and make a meaningful contribution. They become limiting when a leader’s sense of worth or security depends upon them, narrowing the range of responses available and increasing their personal and relational cost. The movement towards Creative leadership is therefore not about discarding these strengths, but freeing them from the burden of continually proving or protecting the self - making more energy available for purpose, agency, relationship and contribution.
When we explore the patterns reflected in a leader’s Leadership Circle Profile - their unique leadership fingerprint within their particular context - we begin to see some of the underlying beliefs they hold about what it takes to be safe, accepted and worthy. The intention is never to make these beliefs or the strategies arising from them wrong. They developed for a reason and have often contributed significantly to the leader’s success. We simply bring them into awareness and gain perspective on them, so they no longer unconsciously shape the leader’s choices or unnecessarily limit what is possible.
It is here that I like to plant a seed: What if your worth is not something you have to establish through your leadership? What if it is already yours?
For many people, the idea of inherent worth is unfamiliar - or easy to agree with intellectually but much harder to experience personally. I think of it less as a new belief to adopt and more as a return: a reconnection with a deeper knowing of wholeness that has become obscured by the conditions we have placed on our own acceptability.
By inherent worth, I do not mean maintaining a consistently positive opinion of ourselves. Our confidence and self-evaluation naturally fluctuate with experience. Inherent worth points to something more fundamental: that our value as a human being is not conferred by achievement, usefulness or the approval of others - and cannot be withdrawn by their absence.
The gateway to reconnecting with our inherent worth at a felt and embodied level will depend upon our beliefs, values and experience of life. For some, spirituality provides an open channel; for others, it may be their connection with nature and the preciousness of living things. A particularly potent gateway can be the unquestioned worth of a newborn child. When we allow ourselves to feel that worth, we may glimpse that we too arrived with nothing to prove - and that our worth has not disappeared simply because life taught us to place conditions upon it.
When leaders reconnect with their inherent worth in a way that is authentic to them, something often shifts before it can be put into words. I notice their shoulders drop, their jaw and facial muscles relax, their breath slow and deepen, and a brighter quality come into their eyes. They become more expansive in their energy, perspective and presence. It is beautiful to witness. The remembering continues to work within them and ripple outwards beyond our conversation.
We cannot give another person inherent worth or convince them into experiencing it. But the quality of our presence can help create the conditions in which they encounter what has always been theirs. When someone is met without judgement - and with compassion for their adaptive, defended and uncertain parts - their usual protections can become less necessary. Previously excluded aspects of the self may begin to thaw and be brought back into relationship. Through experiencing that quality of presence from another, they may become more able to offer it to themselves. They experience being seen as a whole person, without being diminished by any part of themselves.
As less energy is tied up in proving, pleasing or protecting, more of the leader becomes available for leadership. Their attention becomes less occupied by monitoring what the situation means for their worth, safety or belonging - and more available to ask, What does this situation require? This does not mean that they no longer need safety or belonging, or that an unsafe environment somehow becomes safe. Rather, it may strengthen their capacity to distinguish between a genuine threat requiring protection, boundaries or action, and a threat to their self-image, approval, status or sense of control. From that clearer ground, they can listen more openly, receive feedback less defensively, speak with greater courage, set appropriate boundaries, draw upon a wider range of perspectives and collaborate without needing to control either the outcome or their place within it. The potency was already there; it is now freer to find expression.
Over time, clients have described the effect as reconnecting with all their parts: becoming more confident and resilient, but also more able to connect with others and to grow not only as leaders, but as people. Their contribution no longer has to carry the same burden of proving their worth. It can become an expression of who they are and what matters to them.
This does not diminish ambition, development or accountability. It can deepen them. When my worth is not on trial, I have less need to defend myself against the truth. I can meet my limitations, acknowledge my impact and receive difficult feedback without making any of them a verdict on who I am. Inherent worth makes less-defended accountability possible.
I think it is important to be clear about the limits of this idea. While I have a deep-seated belief in the power of reconnecting with our inherent worth, I do not see it as a remedy for all the complexities of organisational life - particularly when individual and collective trauma, inequity or organisational dysfunction are also at play. Nor should it be used to place responsibility on individuals to adapt more successfully to harmful conditions. It may, however, help leaders distinguish more clearly between what belongs to them and what belongs to the system, so they are less likely to absorb its dysfunction as a verdict on themselves and more able to exercise agency where agency is genuinely available.
In sharing these reflections, I invite you to consider inherent worth - not as another belief you should adopt, but as a seed for contemplation.
Where in your leadership might you still be trying to earn approval, establish your value, protect your identity or secure your place?
What becomes possible when you recognise that response with compassion rather than judgement - and begin to distinguish between a genuine threat and a threat to your sense of self?
And if your worth were not at stake, what might you see more clearly? What might the situation require of you? What might you become freer to bring?
These questions need not be answered quickly. Sometimes a seed works quietly within us before anything visible begins to change.